Thank you for giving me words for my own experiences. I have called myself clingy or needy or other negatively connoted things, but underneath it all, I just want to witness those I love. To see their everyday lives, moment by moment. But you’re right, even if I don’t like it: some parts are theirs alone. And love has to accept that.
Thank you for sharing this, Matthew. Perhaps accepting that some parts of another person's life will always remain theirs is one of the quietest expressions of love.
That's an interesting point. Your comment also reminded me of something Alain de Botton writes about. He argues that Romanticism shaped many of our modern expectations about love, especially the idea that one person should fulfill almost every emotional and psychological need we have. Whether someone believes in soulmates for cultural or religious reasons, I think the challenge remains the same: how do we love another person deeply without expecting them to complete us or belong to us?
I am very much enjoying that our current series..es..? are in such dialogue with each other. (That may become more apparent when I get to the next part). You're thinking so deeply about this and it's great to read. Witnessing is such a profound and sacred thing, and I think you're getting at something so true in the idea of feeling excluded from experiences the other person has without you, if they're ones that could change the person. Not because they're taking away your personal toy but because there is a thing we crave in being part of someone's evolution, that evolving around each other is such a deep and spiritual part of long-term intimacy, and it's scary to miss a piece. AND it's exciting, right? There's desire in the expansion.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Andrea. I love the way you framed this, especially “there’s desire in the expansion.” You’re right—it isn’t only painful to discover new versions of someone you love; it’s also one of the greatest joys of growing together.
That there are four Holy Books, 124,000 Prophets ,We must respect Every Prophet and Book
1.Torah(Prophet Moses P.B.U.H )(Most curious prophet He used to directly Communicate with God)
2. Zaboor(The Psalms ) don't know much this book but it's respect it's mandatory
3.Injil(Gospel ) (Prophet Esa Ibn e Maryam, Jesus Christ son of Mary )P.B.U.H
4.The Last and Final Book "THE HOLY QURAN " Biology (like plants are alive),phycics,Quantum Physics,Universe Expansion,Block Universe Theory,(Time& Space is also his Creation) 1400 ago everything written.when there was no Science.
And Especially Surah Rehman verse "He is the Lord of Two East and West"
To put a light touch on this otherwise very insightful essay, I would say... I'd rather not witness someone's life moment by moment. Trowing wet bath towels around...cleaning someone's nose isn't exactly appealing to me. And I think our desire to witness everything, to do everything together, to constantly breathe down each other's necks, isn't healthy. In my view, it's often the everyday interactions and the mundane habits that can slowly turn an otherwise good relationship sour.
I also believe we are our most authentic selves when we're alone. In relationships, whether romantic, professional, or between parent and child, we inevitably assume certain roles, sometimes without even realising it. That can be exhausting.
I think everyone should have their own space, even within a close relationship, to recharge and simply be...
I laughed at your examples—they're a good reminder that witnessing someone's life also includes all the wonderfully unglamorous parts...
I actually agree with you. I don't think love asks us to witness everything, nor do I think sharing every moment is healthy. In fact, the essay gradually led me to the opposite conclusion: that there will always be parts of another person's life we cannot enter, and perhaps shouldn't.
I also like your observation about authenticity. I wonder if we're most unfiltered when we're alone, but perhaps we discover parts of ourselves only in relationship with other people. Maybe both are true. The challenge, then, is finding enough closeness to grow together without losing the solitude we need to understand who we're becoming.
I guess we have to find a healthy balance that works for both people in a relationship, and that in itself is challenging enough. Some push and pull is inevitable. We also have to accept that there are things we will never know, things we probably shouldn't know, and perhaps it's better that way for both the people in our lives and ourselves. We have our “hidden” sides too…
In my own experience of marriage, it has been the mystery of self gift which has unlocked the deepening and maturing of love between me and my wife. There is a poverty as my free outpouring of myself through my time, attention, presence, affections, and sacrifices. Paradoxically, it is in the poor moments when the gift is poured out—when by material standards I "lose" what I had—that I actually receive something from her and our union that would have been impossible had I tried to preserve what was mine. Seventeen years in and our love has never been stronger, more passionate, more dedicated, or more unified. Oh but we have suffered along the way! But that suffering has only born great fruit for us.
Thank you for giving me words for my own experiences. I have called myself clingy or needy or other negatively connoted things, but underneath it all, I just want to witness those I love. To see their everyday lives, moment by moment. But you’re right, even if I don’t like it: some parts are theirs alone. And love has to accept that.
Thank you for sharing this, Matthew. Perhaps accepting that some parts of another person's life will always remain theirs is one of the quietest expressions of love.
It's because of Hollywood,Bollywood Movies,and We are more into that because we believe that our partners is our soulmate not just physical Partners
Religiously:It's already written in skies.
That's an interesting point. Your comment also reminded me of something Alain de Botton writes about. He argues that Romanticism shaped many of our modern expectations about love, especially the idea that one person should fulfill almost every emotional and psychological need we have. Whether someone believes in soulmates for cultural or religious reasons, I think the challenge remains the same: how do we love another person deeply without expecting them to complete us or belong to us?
I am very much enjoying that our current series..es..? are in such dialogue with each other. (That may become more apparent when I get to the next part). You're thinking so deeply about this and it's great to read. Witnessing is such a profound and sacred thing, and I think you're getting at something so true in the idea of feeling excluded from experiences the other person has without you, if they're ones that could change the person. Not because they're taking away your personal toy but because there is a thing we crave in being part of someone's evolution, that evolving around each other is such a deep and spiritual part of long-term intimacy, and it's scary to miss a piece. AND it's exciting, right? There's desire in the expansion.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Andrea. I love the way you framed this, especially “there’s desire in the expansion.” You’re right—it isn’t only painful to discover new versions of someone you love; it’s also one of the greatest joys of growing together.
Christianity and Islam are the closest religions
(Almost )same Teaching with different Words,
And as Muslims child,
Our Nursery Curriculum teaches us,
That there are four Holy Books, 124,000 Prophets ,We must respect Every Prophet and Book
1.Torah(Prophet Moses P.B.U.H )(Most curious prophet He used to directly Communicate with God)
2. Zaboor(The Psalms ) don't know much this book but it's respect it's mandatory
3.Injil(Gospel ) (Prophet Esa Ibn e Maryam, Jesus Christ son of Mary )P.B.U.H
4.The Last and Final Book "THE HOLY QURAN " Biology (like plants are alive),phycics,Quantum Physics,Universe Expansion,Block Universe Theory,(Time& Space is also his Creation) 1400 ago everything written.when there was no Science.
And Especially Surah Rehman verse "He is the Lord of Two East and West"
To put a light touch on this otherwise very insightful essay, I would say... I'd rather not witness someone's life moment by moment. Trowing wet bath towels around...cleaning someone's nose isn't exactly appealing to me. And I think our desire to witness everything, to do everything together, to constantly breathe down each other's necks, isn't healthy. In my view, it's often the everyday interactions and the mundane habits that can slowly turn an otherwise good relationship sour.
I also believe we are our most authentic selves when we're alone. In relationships, whether romantic, professional, or between parent and child, we inevitably assume certain roles, sometimes without even realising it. That can be exhausting.
I think everyone should have their own space, even within a close relationship, to recharge and simply be...
I laughed at your examples—they're a good reminder that witnessing someone's life also includes all the wonderfully unglamorous parts...
I actually agree with you. I don't think love asks us to witness everything, nor do I think sharing every moment is healthy. In fact, the essay gradually led me to the opposite conclusion: that there will always be parts of another person's life we cannot enter, and perhaps shouldn't.
I also like your observation about authenticity. I wonder if we're most unfiltered when we're alone, but perhaps we discover parts of ourselves only in relationship with other people. Maybe both are true. The challenge, then, is finding enough closeness to grow together without losing the solitude we need to understand who we're becoming.
I guess we have to find a healthy balance that works for both people in a relationship, and that in itself is challenging enough. Some push and pull is inevitable. We also have to accept that there are things we will never know, things we probably shouldn't know, and perhaps it's better that way for both the people in our lives and ourselves. We have our “hidden” sides too…
I loved It! ❤️
In my own experience of marriage, it has been the mystery of self gift which has unlocked the deepening and maturing of love between me and my wife. There is a poverty as my free outpouring of myself through my time, attention, presence, affections, and sacrifices. Paradoxically, it is in the poor moments when the gift is poured out—when by material standards I "lose" what I had—that I actually receive something from her and our union that would have been impossible had I tried to preserve what was mine. Seventeen years in and our love has never been stronger, more passionate, more dedicated, or more unified. Oh but we have suffered along the way! But that suffering has only born great fruit for us.
Thank you for this article!
Your ideas are awesome. Why did you give up on paragraphs?